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About Raistlin

  • Rank
  • Birthday 01/01/1968

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  • ICQ 0
  • First Name Raistlin

Profile Information

  • Contributor 5
  • Gender* Male
  • Toyota Model Aygo Blue
  • Toyota Year 2007
  • UK/Ireland Location Surrey

Recent Profile Visitors

45,812 profile views
  1. Raistlin's Joke Page

    I've just had an accident in my brand new car. It's my own fault, I pulled out without checking first. There's !Removed! all over seats now.
  2. Raistlin's Joke Page

    A Staples truck ploughed into my car me last week, giving me severe whiplash and leaving my motor totally written off. Now, to add insult to injury it looks like I'm going to be held responsible for the accident despite the fact he drove into the back of me. The woman I spoke to at my insurance company said that there's a clause in the smallprint on my policy that says that I'll be held liable for any crash with a stationery vehicle.
  3. Raistlin's Joke Page

    Downloaded an illegal copy of the, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' game. Hosted by Chris Torrent.
  4. On This Day

    1568 - French forces in Florida slaughtered hundreds of Spanish. 1802 - Washington, DC, was incorporated as a city. 1855 - Macon B. Allen became the first African American to be admitted to the Bar in Massachusetts. 1859 - France declared war on Austria. 1888 - Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Works. 1916 - Irish nationalist Padraic Peubik and two others were executed by the British for their roles in the Easter Rising. 1921 - West Virginia imposed the first state sales tax. 1926 - The revival of Wilde's "The Importance of Being Earnest" opened in New York. 1926 - U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua and stayed until 1933. 1926 - In Britain, trade unions began a general strike. 1927 - Francis E.J. Wilde of Meadowmere Park, NY, patented the electric sign flasher. 1933 - The U.S. Mint was under the direction of a woman for the first time when Nellie Ross took the position. 1937 - Margaret Mitchell won a Pulitzer Prize for "Gone With The Wind." 1944 - Wartime rationing of most grades of meats ended in the U.S. 1944 - Dr. Robert Woodward and Dr. William Doering produced the first synthetic quinine at Harvard University. 1945 - Indian forces captured Rangoon, Burma, from the Japanese. 1948 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that covenants prohibiting the sale of real estate to blacks and other minorities were legally unenforceable. 1952 - The first airplane landed at the geographic North Pole. 1966 - The game "Twister" was featured on the "Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson. 1968 - After three days of battle, the U.S. Marines retook Dai Do complex in Vietnam. They found that the North Vietnamese had evacuated the area. 1971 - Anti-war protesters began four days of demonstrations in Washington, DC. 1971 - National Public Radio broadcast for the first time. 1971 - James Earl Ray, Martin Luther King's assassin, was caught in a jailbreak attempt. 1986 - In NASA's first post-Challenger launch, an unmanned Delta rocket lost power in its main engine shortly after liftoff. Safety officers destroyed it by remote control. 1988 - The White House acknowledged that first lady Nancy Reagan had used astrological advice to help schedule her husband's activities. 1992 - Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles, CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney King. 1997 - The "Republic of Texas" surrendered to authorities ending an armed standoff where two people were held hostage. The group asserts the independence of Texas from the U.S. 1998 - "The Sevres Road," by 18-century landscape painter Camille Corot, stolen from the Louvre in France. 1999 - Mark Manes, at age 22, was arrested for supplying a gun to Eric Harris and Dylan Kleibold, who later killed 13 people at Columbine High School in Colorado. 1999 - Hasbro released the first collection of toys for the Star Wars movie "Episode I: The Phantom Menace." Today in Star Wars History 1999 - The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed above 11,000 for the first time. 2000 - The trial of two Libyans accused of killing 270 people in the bombing of Pan Am flight 103 (over Lockerbie) opened. 2006 - In Alexandria, VA, Al-Quaida conspirator Zacarias Moussaoui was given a sentence of life in prison for his role in the terrorist attack on the U.S. on September 11, 2001.
  5. Happy Birthday Guys

    tee_hee83 (33 years old) Jive (45 years old) LesKidd (75 years old) Nejat (54 years old) DefiantFrog (37 years old) AYATHU (44 years old) ToeKnee (63 years old) Whitey7 (52 years old) albapatriot (50 years old) Bugs (36 years old) no_data (49 years old) M-Tuning (29 years old) junjun (47 years old) Oxford Cheddar (37 years old) tonywell (61 years old) Simon Watmough (55 years old) Mike Barham (28 years old) lossey (53 years old) engelhardt (31 years old)
  6. Raistlin's Joke Page

    I just got fired from my job as an ice cream man after an "innappropriate response" when the young girl asked for a Mr Whippy.
  7. Raistlin's Joke Page

    I've written a book about the evils of sexism. It even has pictures, so women can enjoy it too.
  8. Raistlin's Joke Page

    Compasses. Where would we be without them ?
  9. Raistlin's Joke Page

    Gamblers Anonymous: How do they know where to send your winnings ?
  10. On This Day

    1289 - Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli. 1429 - Joan of Arc led Orleans, France, to victory over Britain. 1661 - The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan. 1672 - King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands. 1813 - Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel. 1852 - The first edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus was published. 1856 - A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia. 1858 - Austrian troops invaded Piedmont. 1861 - The Maryland House of Delegates voted against seceding from Union. 1862 - New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War. 1864 - Theta Xi was founded in Troy, New York. 1879 - In Cleveland, OH, electric arc lights were used for the first time. 1913 - Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper. 1916 - Irish nationalists surrendered to British authorities in Dublin. 1918 - Germany's Western Front offensive ended in World War I. 1924 - An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba. 1927 - Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was completed for Lindbergh. 1941 - The Boston Bees agreed to change their name to the Braves. 1945 - The German Army in Italy surrendered unconditionally to the Allies. 1945 - In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun were married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz his successor. 1945 - The !Removed! death camp, Dachau, was liberated. 1946 - Twenty-eight former Japanese leaders were indicted in Tokyo as war criminals. 1952 - IBM President Thomas J. Watson, Jr., informed his company's stockholders that IBM was building "the most advanced, most flexible high-speed computer in the world." The computer was unveiled April 7, 1953, as the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing Machine. 1954 - Ernest Borgnine made his network television debut in "Night Visitor" on NBC-TV. 1961 - ABC’s "Wide World of Sports" premiered. 1974 - Phil Donahue’s TV show, "Donahue" moved to Chicago, IL. 1974 - U.S. President Nixon announced he was releasing edited transcripts of secretly made White House tape recordings related to the Watergate scandal. 1975 - The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon. 1981 - Steve Carlton, of the Philadelphia Phillies, became the first left-handed pitcher in the major leagues to get 3,000 career strikeouts. 1984 - In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor went online after a long delay due to protests. 1985 - Billy Martin was brought back, for the fourth time, to the position of manager for the New York Yankees. 1986 - Roger Clemens of the Boston Red Sox set a major-league baseball record by striking out 20 Seattle Mariner batters. 1988 - The Baltimore Orioles set a new major league baseball record by losing their first 21 games of the season. 1988 - Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev promised more religious freedom. 1990 - The destruction of the Berlin Wall began. 1992 - Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside his Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale was a former Exxon security official. Reso died while in captivity. 1992 - Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 54 people were killed in 3 days. 1994 - Israel and the PLO signed an agreement in Paris which granted Palestinians broad authority to set taxes, control trade and regulate banks under self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho. 1996 - Former CIA Director William Colby was missing and presumed drowned after an apparent boating accident in Maryland. Colby's body was later recovered. 1997 - Staff Sgt. Delmar Simpson, a drill instructor at Aberdeen Proving Ground in Maryland, was convicted of raping six female trainees. He was sentenced to 25 years in prison and was dishonorably discharged.
  11. Happy Birthday Guys

    off_road_runner (30 years old) stevetubbyturbo (41 years old) wattyg (41 years old) andyCelicaGT4 (30 years old) Tasha:) (25 years old) alan3625 (51 years old)
  12. Raistlin's Joke Page

    I finally found my Star Trek shirt after all these years! Incidentally, it's a really odd feeling to be simultaneously both a winner and a loser.
  13. Raistlin's Joke Page

    My Doctor thinks I'm taking hallucinogenic drugs... how do I know?... ...let's just say a little bird told me.
  14. Raistlin's Joke Page

    I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way. Through the driver's door.
  15. Raistlin's Joke Page

    BMW has announced that the new 5 Series will have a ‘Self Park’ option. I have a few suggestions: Self not indicating Self pulling out into traffic when there is no gap Self tailgating and flashing headlights