Funny Points Taken From A Court House

[jerry phipps]

Hi everyone

Just thought that i would share this with all of you.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and

>are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down

>and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying

>calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

>Q: Are you sexually active?

>A: No, I just lie there.

>__________________________________

>Q: What is your date of birth?

>A: July 15th.

>Q: What year?

>A: Every year.

>______________________________________

>Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

>A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

>______________________________________

>Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

>A: Yes.

>Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

>A: I forget.

>Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that

>you've forgotten?

>_____________________________________

>Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

>A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

>Q: How long has he lived with you?

>A: Forty-five years.

>_____________________________________

>Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he

>woke up that morning?

>A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

>Q: And why did that upset you?

>A: My name is Susan.

>______________________________________

>Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo

>or the occult?

>A: We both do.

>Q: Voodoo?

>A: We do.

>Q: You do?

>A: Yes, voodoo.

>______________________________________

>Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his

>sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

>A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

>___________________________________

>Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

>_____________________________________

>Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

>______________________________________

>Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

>A: Yes.

>Q: And what were you doing at that time?

>______________________________________

>Q: She had three children, right?

>A: Yes.

>Q: How many were boys?

>A: None.

>Q: Were there any girls?

>______________________________________

>Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

>A: By death.

>Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

>______________________________________

>Q: Can you describe the individual?

>A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

>Q: Was this a male, or a female?

>_____________________________________

>Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition

>notice which I sent to your attorney?

>A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

>______________________________________

>Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

>______________________________________

>Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go

>to?

>A: Oral.

>______________________________________

>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

>A: The autopsy started around8:30 p.m.

>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at! the time?

>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

>autopsy.

>______________________________________

>Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

>______________________________________

>Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

>pulse?

>A: No.

>Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

>A: No.

>Q: Did you check for breathing?

>A: No.

>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

>began the autopsy?

>A: No.

>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

>A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

>Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

>A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

>practicing law somewhere.

jerry!!

[Ryan1985]

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

[jerry phipps]

It's quite a hoot dont you think

jerry!!

[JappyBeast]

I'm laughing here on my own in my bedroom.. my brother must think I have gone mad.. well funny.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at! the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

autopsy.

[gordypix]

Seen something similar once..... . Great reading mate

[JappyBeast]

Seen something similar once..... . Great reading mate

I got it in an email a while back but it still cracks me up!

[Moffmo]

thats class...

cant belive some people are soooo stupid

[JappyBeast]

I would have wet myself if I was in the room as it was said!

[silvasurfa]

>Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

simple but effective!!!

[tooyoung]

That's one annoyed doctor. Class!!!

[Antd4agze]

LMAO..class Jerry!

[Fizz]

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at! the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Thats my fav!...

and that Voodoo quote.. aint that from the labyrnth??

and yes.. i know im sad but that was one of my all time fav films as a kid!..

[jerry phipps]

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at! the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Thats my fav!...

and that Voodoo quote.. aint that from the labyrnth??

and yes.. i know im sad but that was one of my all time fav films as a kid!..

Your right m8 that was a good film your not sad!!!

jerry!!

[Stu8]

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

>pulse?

>A: No.

>Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

>A: No.

>Q: Did you check for breathing?

>A: No.

>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

>began the autopsy?

>A: No.

>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

>A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

>Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

>A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

>practicing law somewhere.

pmsl

[Calisto]

I love labyrnth. must get it out again and Jerry those were cool made me chuckle.