How To Come Home Drunk

[Red Yaris 54]

Correct Way to Come Home Drunk

Two married men are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do.

Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak

up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up, and yells at me for staying out so late!

His mate looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ***** and say, WHO'S HORNY????!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep!

It Works Every Time!

[1bloke1dog1mr2]

Funny yet so true!

[MarcTS]

Love it

[sullsims]

Drink driver?

[Red Yaris 54]

Drink driver?

Drink driving is not a good idea (but that would ruin the tale )

This tale was set in the days before the breathaliser (There was such a time - If you don't remember ask your parents :) )........................I would of course remind all readers that it is never a good idea to drive after drinking alcohol

[MarcTS]

You could always alter the joke to say the first guy asks the cabbie to drop him off at the end of the street. The second guy could give the cabbie an extra fiver to screech away from the house beeping the horn etc :) Then no one would be upset... oh apart from people who suffer from incontinence and may be upset about describing someone urinating down their own leg....

LOL Don't you love a nice simple joke ;)

[Karma Supra]

Drink driver?

Here we go....

God, there is always one....

[GIDDLEPIN]

It's like the old one about the guy who got up to a bit of mischief with another lady, he stuck a piece of chalk behind his ear, went home and told his wife the truth, that he had been out with another woman and had an excellent meal followed by a wild sex session. His wife replies "Don't lie you've been down the pub playing darts...You still have the chalk behind your ear" ;)

[Jamesb4uk]

I usually do the 2nd tactic (without the driving part)

My bonus is my missus always goes "I AM!!!!!"

J

[Kev Mc]

Drink driver?

Drink driving is not a good idea (but that would ruin the tale )

This tale was set in the days before the breathaliser (There was such a time - If you don't remember ask your parents :) )........................I would of course remind all readers that it is never a good idea to drive after drinking alcohol

So now you're saying that it was acceptable to drink-drive in the days when it was a lot more difficult to detect?

Drink driver?

Here we go....

God, there is always one....

Yeah, & it's normally Steve

[Red Yaris 54]

Drink driver?

Drink driving is not a good idea (but that would ruin the tale )

This tale was set in the days before the breathaliser (There was such a time - If you don't remember ask your parents :) )........................I would of course remind all readers that it is never a good idea to drive after drinking alcohol

So now you're saying that it was acceptable to drink-drive in the days when it was a lot more difficult to detect?

Drink driver?

Here we go....

God, there is always one....

Yeah, & it's normally Steve

Oh dear .................I ALMOST wish I had not related this old tale

Except for the fact that it is very old....................and DID happen way before people became responsible about drinking and driving.

I must add that it was not about me as any of you that really know me realise that I most certainly do not touch alcohol when I am driving.

I posted it in the spirit that it was intended ..............that is to make you smile or even burst out laughing.

I would apologise to any of you who feel that it was not politically correct either on account of drink driving or incontinence :)

But I do enjoy a pi.....good drink at JAE when I do not have to drive home until the next evening.................maybe you will be there

[Kev Mc]

Oh dear .................I ALMOST wish I had not related this old tale

Except for the fact that it is very old....................and DID happen way before people became responsible about drinking and driving.

I must add that it was not about me as any of you that really know me realise that I most certainly do not touch alcohol when I am driving.

I posted it in the spirit that it was intended ..............that is to make you smile or even burst out laughing.

I would apologise to any of you who feel that it was not politically correct either on account of drink driving or incontinence :)

But I do enjoy a pi.....good drink at JAE when I do not have to drive home until the next evening.................maybe you will be there

Relax, it's only the internet. We're only messing, you said a joke (which I thought was great when I 1st heard it) on a car forum that hinted at drink driving, people picked up on it & took the mick a bit, so what?

[Moffmo]

whoa get a life people.

[JappyBeast]

Pee down the leg?.. he must stink.

[martin_longbow]

LoL I like it

[Jimlad]

Correct Way to Come Home Drunk

Two married men are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do.

Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak

up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up, and yells at me for staying out so late!

His mate looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ***** and say, WHO'S HORNY????!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep!

It Works Every Time!

Funny mate!

[sullsims]

Drink driver?

Here we go....

God, there is always one....

It had to be said! But its quite funny the way it blew into something this big. The first thing i thought after reading that was, this man has just be out on the p*ss and now hes driving home? Drink driving is for losers, so it had to be said

[Karma Supra]

Pointing out the politically incorrect undertones of jokes is also for losers ;)

[Moffmo]

Talking from experience, I found that when i screeched into the drive after a good night out, The wife would be quiet. But the neighbours would call round and complain.

I think i hide my drunkness well cos they have never called the police

[MarcTS]

Talking from experience, I found that when i screeched into the drive after a good night out, The wife would be quiet. But the neighbours would call round and complain.

So do you slap your neighbour on the bum and ask if they're feeling horny? :lol2:

[Moffmo]

Talking from experience, I found that when i screeched into the drive after a good night out, The wife would be quiet. But the neighbours would call round and complain.

So do you slap your neighbour on the bum and ask if they're feeling horny? :lol2:

oh wow i never thought of that. Surely that must scare them off.

Maybe i would get lucky too. Win win!

[sullsims]

Pointing out the politically incorrect undertones of jokes is also for losers ;)

A joke has to be realistic as well as funny... as this is a motor vehicle forum, and all I said was 'drink driver?' I think my comments were perfectly acceptable, as for yours there just insulting. But hey, this is a forum, n I can't be a*sed with arguing over stupid things like this

[Kev Mc]

Pointing out the politically incorrect undertones of jokes is also for losers ;)

A joke has to be realistic as well as funny... as this is a motor vehicle forum, and all I said was 'drink driver?' I think my comments were perfectly acceptable, as for yours there just insulting. But hey, this is a forum, n I can't be a*sed with arguing over stupid things like this

Insulting in what way? I haven't read anything on this thread that I'd consider even remotely insulting so I think everybody should take a step back & think about what they're taking to heart. All Charlie said was the same word that you used about drink drivers & I'm sure it was very tongue in cheek

As a stereotypical scouser would say - "CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN!!"

[GIDDLEPIN]

Well I don't mind admitting that I will probably be drink driving at JAE in a very high performance vehicle and if the last time I did it is anything to go by I will thoroughly enjoy it

Damn that F1 simulator is good :P

[Kev Mc]

Well I don't mind admitting that I will probably be drink driving at JAE in a very high performance vehicle and if the last time I did it is anything to go by I will thoroughly enjoy it

Damn that F1 simulator is good :P