For Peeps With A Sense Of Humour!

April 2, 2008

These Viz letters made me chuckle. :D

I saw a few weeks ago that a man had been arrested trying to smuggle 2 kilograms of cocaine into the USA. Then last week I heard a man got arrested trying to smuggle 10 kilograms of cocaine out of the USA. I wish they'd make their minds up, do they want the stuff or not?

Pete T

I was surprised to see the racist abuse of Lewis Hamilton by Spanish F1 fans at the Circuit de Catalunya in Barcelona. You wouldn't think the Spanish would be racist, what with them being foreign themselves.

Me, I like to call a spade a spade. I'm not particularly outspoken, I just think it's confusing to use any other term for it.

Hector Martingale

According to the BBC website, 'cocaine users are getting younger'. I have always avoided illegal narcotics but now I've found out that they actually reverse the ageing process I'm going to give them a bash.

Simon Halliday

I am in the process of buying a car and have narrowed my choice down to two. But I don't know whether to buy the one that floats away on balloons or the one that's made of cake. I think I prefer the one made of cake, but I'd like the security of knowing that the ad had won an award before making such a big commitment.

Brian Fester

I can't help thinking that if baggage handlers at Glasgow Airport spent less time punching burning terrorists and more time putting suitcases onto the %$(ing carousel, I might not have waited an hour and a half for my bag after I got got off the plane from Toronto last week.

Chuck Jism, Newcastle

I've just seen the flooded state of Gloucester on the telly. I've been boycotting the place for years for just this reason. All the smart-@rses who mocked me and made up stupid rhymes about me are laughing on the other side of their faces now. Sail on, tossers.

Dr Foster, Cheltenham

I read with interest that the RAF have decided to replace the nude paintings of popular Page 3 models like Lucy Pinder and Michelle Marsh on the side of their bombers with plain silhouettes for fear of offending the thousands of Muslims they are currently bombing the sh!t out of. I wholeheartedly applaud this display of sensitivity to another culture.

Peter Roeth

F1 pundits never tire of telling us that the downforce of a grand prix car is so strong that they could drive upside down on the ceiling without falling off. Well, as the Mayor of Birmingham, I would like to invite Bernie Ecclestone to hold an upside-down Formula 1 race on the underside of Spaghetti Junction. It would add another dimension to this sport and a bit of overhead excitement to anyone stuck in traffic on the M6.

Councillor Ray Jackson, Birmingham

In Boots the other day I saw some packets of Immodium in the last minute impulse-buy rack by the till. Now chewing gum I can understand, but you've either got chonic diarrohea or you haven't.

N Tinberg

I learned with interest this week that the term 'inflammable' does not in fact mean that something is not flammable. The word does not follow the same negative rule as other words prefixed 'in', such as inaudible, insatiable, indiscreet, etc. I also burnt my @rse cheeks quite badly.

C. Drakeman, London

I'm beginning to think there may be something in this climate change after all. Four months ago it was very cold and now it's quite warm.

Alan Heath

People say that by accepting a fee for Children in Need, Terry Wogan is taking money out of the mouths of poor children, but surely that is a good thing. A child could easily choke to death on a mouthful of money, so Terry is only thinking of their welfare. If a child has 9000 pounds of 10 pence pieces in its mouth, then I for one applaud Sir Terry for taking it out. The man already has so much money that the extra that he gets from poor children's mouths can only be an inconvenience for him. The real criminals are the ones putting money in the poor children's mouths in the first place.