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#11371 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 01:25 PM

Sol Campbell has announced his retirement from professional football.

What a bummer!

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#11372 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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  • Year: 2007
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Posted 03 May 2012 - 02:33 PM

I don't understand fast food.

I've been eating it for years but I seem to be getting slower and slower.

#11373 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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  • Toyota Model: Aygo Blue
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Posted 03 May 2012 - 02:33 PM

My wife rang me "Quick, come home!" she shouted in a panicked voice, "Some young girl has broken into our house and has tied herself up in the cellar."

That's why I married a blonde.

#11374 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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  • Toyota Model: Aygo Blue
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Posted 03 May 2012 - 02:34 PM

I see Tulisa has been voted the worlds sexiest woman.

I wonder whose dick she almost sucked to get that award.

#11375 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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  • First Name:Raistlin
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  • Year: 2007
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Posted 03 May 2012 - 02:35 PM

Sky sports news.....

Liverpool FC reveal £35 million waste.

That'll be Andy Carrol

#11376 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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  • First Name:Raistlin
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  • Toyota Model: Aygo Blue
  • Year: 2007
  • Location: Surrey
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Posted 03 May 2012 - 02:38 PM

I was looking through the dictionary today when I came to the word 'deja vu'

I thought, "I'm sure I've seen that somewhere before."

#11377 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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  • First Name:Raistlin
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  • Toyota Model: Aygo Blue
  • Year: 2007
  • Location: Surrey
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Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:44 AM

I was watching some kid's TV earlier.

"Who are you and why are you in my bedroom?" he asked.

#11378 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:44 AM

I found the off-switch on women, It's in the back of their heads.

You have to use a bat to activate it.

#11379 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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  • First Name:Raistlin
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Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:45 AM

Me and the wife were in the shopping centre earlier, where we rounded a corner to see a gaggle of young girls, all wearing next to nothing, pouring out of hmv.

"Phoarr!", I said to the wife, pointing at a gorgeous lass of about twenty. "I bet you'd fucking love to have legs like her."

She didn't respond, but I could tell she was upset.

I could hear the sobs as I wheeled her up the ramp into debenhams.

#11380 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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  • First Name:Raistlin
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  • Toyota Model: Aygo Blue
  • Year: 2007
  • Location: Surrey
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Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:47 AM

Curry - the only food that takes longer to be delivered than to be digested.

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