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#11641 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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  • Toyota Model: Aygo Blue
  • Year: 2007
  • Location: Surrey
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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:23 AM

How come girls can go round reading this dirty book but you watch a little bit of porn and suddenly you're asked to leave the library.

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#11642 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:24 AM

The England football team are like a holiday romance.

Every time you kid yourself that it will last longer than 2 weeks, but it never does.

#11643 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:25 AM

Just been to the bookies to collect my winnings from the tenner I put on England getting knocked out in the quarter-finals on penalties.

I wonder what I'll spend my ten pounds and seventeen pence on...

#11644 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 07:03 PM

I don't blame Ashley Young for missing his penalty.

It must have been confusing for him, taking a spot kick without diving first.

#11645 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 07:05 PM

I've been using the latest Cheryl Cole fitness DVD and it's worked a treat.

The muscles on my right arm are now enormous.

#11646 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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  • Toyota Model: Aygo Blue
  • Year: 2007
  • Location: Surrey
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Posted 25 June 2012 - 07:08 PM

Whenever I'm feeling down I cheer myself up by visiting the nearest playground and watching the kids screaming and shouting.

They don't know I'm using blanks

#11647 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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Posted 26 June 2012 - 11:31 AM

Why couldn't Ashley Cole score?

Because the Italian goalkeeper wasn't a stupid Geordie slut.

#11648 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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Posted 26 June 2012 - 07:15 PM

Roy Hodgson says he made his England players study videos prior to the Euros.

What of, Harvey Price playing pass the parcel?

#11649 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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Posted 27 June 2012 - 12:04 PM

I got pulled over for speeding earlier today.

"You've got to let me go Officer," I pleaded, "My wife is due any minute!"

He said, "What, due as in pregnant?"

I said, "No, due as in home from work, and I've left midget porn on the laptop."

#11650 Raistlin

Raistlin

    Raistlin

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  • Year: 2007
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Posted 27 June 2012 - 12:13 PM

I was wondering why they never had a show that let you see how Jeremy Kyle's guests were getting on after the cameras stopped rolling, then I found out they have.

It's called Crime Watch.

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