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#31 Raistlin

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 08:02 AM

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing.

She walked around to look at the artwork.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."

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#32 Raistlin

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 08:03 AM

The Perfect Worker

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot boss of mine was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today.

Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

#33 Raistlin

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 08:06 AM

Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don't know where they are.

The first guy says "I'll find out" and puts his arm out the plane, then brings it back in and says "We're just over Paris"

"How do you know" ask the others "Well I've just felt the top of the Eiffel tower."

Later on the second guy tries and says "We just flew over London"

"How?" asks the others "Well I've just felt the top of Big Ben"

Still later on the last guy tries it, puts his arm out the plane, and says to the others "We have just flown over Glasgow."

"How do you know that?" comes the reply.

"Because some sod has just stolen my watch"

#34 Raistlin

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 02:44 PM

An old man is sitting on the park bench crying.

Another old man sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's the problem?"

The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."

"So, what the hell is the problem?"

"I forgot where I live!"

#35 Raistlin

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 02:49 PM

For the Brave...


How many men does it take to open a beer?

None.

It should be opened by the time she brings it.


:cheers:

#36 Raistlin

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 03:05 PM

The Zen Master is visiting London from Tibet.

He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a 20.00 note.

The vendor puts the 20.00 in the till and closes it.

"Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master.

The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

#37 Calisto

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 03:25 PM

i dont know how I would get through my day without my daily giggle!!!!

#38 Raistlin

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 03:26 PM

i dont know how I would get through my day without my daily giggle!!!!



I do my best :D

#39 Raistlin

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 08:01 PM

A Second Opinion

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for
help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him
put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the
still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his
dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not
willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts
the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and
finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and
says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks
your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and
asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "650.00"

" 650.00 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you 50.00 for
my initial diagnosis. The additional 600.00 was for the cat scan
and lab tests."

#40 Raistlin

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 08:08 PM

A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day.

So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed.

She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes just a little faster.

All of a sudden Vikki begins to lose her grip on the reigns of the horse and she begins to fall off, she starts screaming but the horse seemingly not noticing its rider continues...

Now Vikki is grabbing on the the horses mane when she begins to feel tired and her grip starts to fail.

The blonde lets go of the horses mane, only to get her foot caught in the saddle.

So now she is riding along, the horse still not noticing and Vikki's head is beating against the ground over, and over, and over.

She almost loses conscience when suddenly the Woolworth's manager runs out and turns off the power to the horse.

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