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Diary Of A Jamaican

jerry phipps

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Hi everyone

Here's one more joke for you all enjoy it's a bit long but it's worth while in the end :yes:

Diary Of A Jamaican Who Just Moved To South Dakota, US

October 8th

>We have arrived in America!!!


>This marks a new chapter in our lives.

>It's very nice here.

>It's a little cool,

>but who needs HOT weather?

>This is perfect,

>not too hot,

>not too cold.


>October 15th

>It is getting a little cooler,

>but we are adjusting.

>We bought some sweaters today

>and went for a short walk.

>Loving America!!!

>This is what life's about.


>October 30th

>The weather is definitely cooler now.

>We taped all the windows shut,

>so cold air cannot creep in . . .

>Outside may be cold,

>but it feels like Jamaica in this house.


>November 11th

>The news reports say snow is on the way . . .

>we cannot wait!!!

>We have never seen snow

>and it should be pretty exciting

>to see it for the first time.


>November 14th

>Started snowing.

>The first of the season

>and the first real snow

>we have ever seen.

>The wife cooked buttered buns

>and we sat by the window

>watching soft flakes drift down,

>clinging to the trees

>and covering the ground.

>Could never do anything like this in Jamaica.



>November 15th

>We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow

>covering the landscape.

>What a FANTASTIC sight!

>Every tree and shrub

>was covered like a beautiful white mantle.

>I shovelled snow for the first time

>and loved it.

>I did both our driveway and sidewalk.

>Later, the city snow plow came along

>and accidentally covered up our driveway

>with compacted snow from the street.

>The driver smiled and waved

>and I waved back and shovelled again.

>Americans are so friendly!


>November 18th

>It snowed an additional twelve inches last night

>and the temperature has dropped

>to around four degrees.

>The cold weather is not so bad . . .

>we can take this,

>not at all as bad as we imagined.

>Several limbs on the trees and shrubs

>have snapped due to the weight of the snow.

>I shovelled our driveway again.

>Shortly afterwards the city snow plow came by

>and did his trick again.

>Much of the snow is now brownish gray.


>November 19th

>Warmed up enough during the day

>to create some slush,

>which soon became ice again.

>Bought snow tires for both cars.

>Slipped and fell

>on my "batty" in the driveway,

>paid $130 for the chiropractor,

>but fortunately nothing was broken.

>More snow and ice expected


>November 20th

>Still cold.

>Sold my wife's BMW

>and bought a 4x4 in order to get to work.


>November 21st

>On my way to work,

>the 4x4 skidded into the guardrail

>and did considerable damage

>to the right fender.

>We had another 15 inches

>of white s@!! last night.

>The vehicle is covered in salt and crud.

>More shovelling in store for me today.

>Di damn snow plow man do him job again.

>Watch me an'him!


>November 22nd

>Blouse and skirt . . .

>the first heating bill just come!

>A how the hell it come to so much???


>November 30th

>A two frigging degrees out a door!

>And more rahtid snow de pon de way.

>Not a tree or shrub ina di yawd whe no get damage.

>De power off most of the night.

>Wi try to keep from freezing to death

>wid candles and kerosene heater,

>but the heater tip over

>an' nearly bun dung the rassclath house.

>Mi manage to put out the flames,

>but end up wid second degree burns pan mi hands,

>bun off mi yeyebrow and yeyelash dem.

>Den de car slide on the white s@!%%


>on the way to the hospital

>and wi haffi write it off.


>December 5th

>Rahtid . . .

>dis snow yah nuh out fi stop???

>Di ting keeps coming down!

>Mi affi put on all a di clothes

>wey mi own just fi go out to di damn mailbox.

>If I ever catch the b*t*h

>wey drive di rahtid snow-plow yuh see,

>I gwine mek him mumma feel it.

>Me really think sey 'im hide round di corner

>and wait 'til me finish shovel,

>den come down the street fast fast

>and cover up wi driveway again.

>Wicked nuh blow wow!!!


>December 10th

>The power still off.

>The toilette freeze up,

>and some part a di roof look like it out fi cave in.


>December 15th

>Eleven more bomboclaath inches a snow an'ice!!!!!!!!!!

>Jah know . . .

>dis no right.

>I wounded the snowplow wid di pick ax,

>but the driva get weh.


>December 16th

>The wife took off and left me.


>December 18th

>The rass car won't start

>and mi tink mi ah go snow-blind.

>Mi caan feel mi toe dem

>and mi nuh see the booldclaath sun fi weeks!!!!

>An' guess wha?

>The weatherman ah predict more snow!!!!

>Good fi rass him.

>The wind chill is 30 pussyclaath degrees below zero!!


>December 22nd

>Me a move back to Jamaica teday

>'cause dis place yah a go kill mi!!!!

>If me can ketch a flight,

>at least mi will reach

>just in time fi Christmas dung a yard.

>'Merica a nuh fi everybody!!!!


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