Dumb People And Cars

[GT4 BOOSTER]

a few years ago a mate of mine took his car to a garage to have his car looked at , after doing a few checks the owner informed him that his cylinderhead gaskets blew . "OH !!! he said What color should it be then

[Rash@R.A.Motors]

a few years ago a mate of mine took his car to a garage to have his car looked at , after doing a few checks the owner informed him that his cylinderhead gaskets blew . "OH !!! he said What color should it be then

Cant think of anything yet - but thats funny

Rash.

[MarkMcQ]

Last year a friend of mine was telling me one of his mates who drives a little tarted up boyracer nova, wanted to put a dump valve on one of his vacuum pipes.

[GT4 BOOSTER]

Last year a friend of mine was telling me one of his mates who drives a little tarted up boyracer nova, wanted to put a dump valve on one of his vacuum pipes.

classic

[stevetubbyturbo]

was working as a YTS mechanic when this lad comes in (i say lad but i was only a lad then too) his brakes was squealing so he asked his mate what to do and he told him to grease the anti squeal plates.

He didnt have any grease so the but a couple of drops of oil on the pads the sqealing stopped but now his brakes didnt work

[jaxx]

i had an article somehwere of a new Subaru Sports car, like an elise sort of shaped thing

fitted with an 'antilag' system.... which was added to increase fuel economy

how idling the engine at 4,000rpm and cutting the igniton helps MPG ill never know!

[jay dh]

my mate says his standard 1.7 puma does 0-60 in 6.5 secs, he says he started from 5mph until 57mph although he is convinced that the 8mph missing wouldnt make a difference to the 0-60

[Matty]

Quotes Ive heard.

"I used the brillo pad to get all the **** off the car"

"Whats that big shiny thing at the back?" To which I replied, its an exhaust love.

"I've saw this mint 5 door Astra diesel, Im going to get it and stick a dump valve on it"

Oh dear.

Also forgot the

"My brakes are squeeling" Pads were down to the metal.

"My car doesnt go around corners properly and its noisier from the front."

The tyres had the metal cords showing. :o

[Karma Supra]

I know a guy that upped the boost on his supra TT by removing the wastegate actuator hoses

My girlfriend also once bought a Rover.

[jaxx]

I know a guy that upped the boost on his supra TT by removing the wastegate actuator hoses

i do want to try that one day and see what actually happens, not on a supra though i suppose, just when i have some money to burn and a crap old turbo car

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........BANG!

[Tara]

"I used the brillo pad to get all the **** off the car"

Yeah my mates mum used a brillo pad to remove all the bird !Removed! off her husbands car...lets just say he wasnt to impressed at the nice pink spots all over his red car.

Tara

[BLiTZ]

girl at school in the day before her theory test - what are hazard warning lights???

[LIAM.MCGLOIN]

MAN CAME INTO THE GARAGE AND ASKED FOR AN OVERHEAD GASKET, "FOR A BLUE VAN". We only had red van ones left.

[Hrun]

Quotes Ive heard.

"I used the brillo pad to get all the **** off the car"

I've done this. Not with a brillo, but a none stick pan scrub and only on my company car. Works a treat with awkward marks

[knightrider]

heard loadsa people using scotch an brillo pads for tar and stuff then when it dries the cars f**ked

[ripspeedtimmy]

A friend of the female variety, once said to me, if i car has two exhausts, does that mean it has 2 engines?

Cracked me up a treat

[zen20]

A female friend of mine had an argument with a male friend of mine about women and driving. At the end of the argument she asked "Whats a clutch?"

[LORD_ED]

aa girl at work was sat there arguing how woman drivers are much safer and more aware, five minutes later she was backing out of the car park and knocked over a massive plant pot

[Karma Supra]

I know a guy that upped the boost on his supra TT by removing the wastegate actuator hoses

i do want to try that one day and see what actually happens, not on a supra though i suppose, just when i have some money to burn and a crap old turbo car

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........BANG!

Amazingly the car didn't die!!!!! he drove it like that for months!!!!!!

I can only imagine fuel cut saved the day???

it was on a 1G-GTE

[System~G]

Late last year I had the tracking done on the track MK1. It was worse after they had finished than before it went in.

I took it back the next day and the service manager said it would take time to "bed in"...

I told him how it was. Needless to say I'm now barred from taking my cars there... where the loss in that???

[cfc1]

Guy came into my work with a puncture.. he was told the punture was too close the edge of the tyre and it needed an inner tube....

"how much are they" he asked

"£8.00 fitted" we told him

"errrr.. hmmm... ok, just put the one in"

[Calisto]

A girl I work with was telling me the other day how her fella had just bought a 06 BMW.....in gun metal gray...he decides to wash it but not as you or I would.

Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooo

He washes it with a scouring pad and CIF and then because he noticed the little markes made by the scouring pad he decides to rinse it off with ....................................

BLEACH

words fail me on that one........

But he didnt stop there... he then decided to jet wash their dog and promptly winded it soooooooooooo off to the vet they went.

This bloke has 3 kids, I feel sorry for them.

I didnt realise there were any men that thick left on the planet.

LOOKS LIKE I WAS WRONG.

[selfbuild]

When I was younger, I had one of my brothers mates ask me where the spark plugs were on a diesel engine......

The 4-5 other lads in the group overheard him and fell about laughing..... he got grief for that question for months.....

[seveer unaek]

I was in a car with this dippy woman from work a while back and she was driving along with no lights on... then when I told her, she put lights + full-beam on! I told her she had main beam on... she said 'what the hell's main beam?' So i had to solve that too... then I got talking about how she looks after it (it was an Y-plate fiesta) and she said yeah, it's MOT'd every year... i said what about a service, the oil, water etc... she said she didn't realise cars needed water and she thought the oil was in the petrol when she filled up!

I didn't get a lift anymore!

[Leeky]

I loved that video of the dude in the states with a new mustang with a skyline gtr Badge on the back :D

"Hey dude whats with the gtr Badge on the back of your mustang?"

"its a special edition model"

"Oh yeah, cool cool. So....you... you got rotaries in there?"

"Erm...yeah yeah i got those.."

"and a steel braided cam belt? you got one of those?"

"yeah yeah i got all of that"

Fool.

I remember driving about with my mate Sooty (some of you know him), and he said to me "hey dude, did you know that when you go round a corner, if you take your hands off the wheel it will straighten back up again by itself? :D" to which my answer was "REALLY!? YOU DONT SAY! NEXT YOU'LL BE TELLING ME THE LITTLE STALKS OFF MY STEERING COLUMN MAKE THE LIGHTS FLASH DOWN THE SIDES OF THE CAR! PILLOCK!"