Purina Diet

April 24, 2007

Dear Friends

I was in Sainsburys in Staines today, buying a large bag of Purina for my Mum and Dad's dog, Dylan, and as I standing in the 'check out' queue, the woman behind me asked if I had a dog......duh!

I couldn't be bothered to tell her that I didn't but my parents did, so on impulse, I told her no; I was starting the Purina Diet although I probably shouldn't because last time I was on it, I ended up in St Peters Hospital in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and a drip in my right arm. I told her that I was in hospital for about eight weeks but at least I had lost over a stone in weight before I went in.

Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head so I carried on with my bogus diet story. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet but that they taste too awful to have three platefuls a day, so it's best to pack your pockets and handbag with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry..

I warmed to my theme and told her they become more palatable if you eat them little and often. I then said that it states on the packaging that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try the Purina Dog Food Diet again as I'm going on a cruise later in August and I want to get into my evening wear.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now completely enthralled with my story, particularly a tall bloke, behind her and the cashier in her orange fleece jacket.

Horrified the cashier asked if it was something in the dog food that had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital ? I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my ar*e when a car hit me.

I thought the tall bloke was going to have to be carried out the door.

Obviously I'm shopping in Tesco at Ashford from now on.