Raistlin's Joke Page

[Raistlin]

America has today announced that they have found a cure for the deadly Ebola virus in West Africa

Air strikes

[Raistlin]

BBC NEWS:

Australian woman lost in bush for 17 days.

Sources say she could probably do with a trim

[Raistlin]

We call our grandad "Spiderman".

He hasn't got any super powers - he just finds it difficult to get out of the bath.

[balli hi]

I tried to catch some fog..........I mist.

[balli hi]

When Chemists die they barium.

[balli hi]

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

[balli hi]

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, he says he can stop any time.

[balli hi]

How does Moses make his tea?, Hebrews it.

[Raistlin]

My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've been taking the piss out of her size.

So I'm going all out to make it up to her tonight.

I've got a good bottle of wine in and bought her the latest dvd box set of her favourite programme.

When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favourite takeaway for her tea, then go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.

[balli hi]

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

[balli hi]

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, I can't put it down.

[Raistlin]

I've read so many Ebola jokes today I swear my eyes are actually bleeding.

[balli hi]

This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but iv'e never seen herbivore.

[balli hi]

I did a theatrical performance about puns, it was a play on words.

[balli hi]

They told me i had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

[balli hi]

I didn't like my beard at first, then it grew on me.

[balli hi]

I wondered why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.

[Raistlin]

My next door neighbour overdosed on viagra the other night,

His missus took it very hard.

[balli hi]

I took the job at the bakery because i kneaded dough.

Velcro, what a rip off !

Cartoonist found dead in home, Police say details are sketchy.

[balli hi]

A teacher reminded her pupils of tomorrows final exam.

"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!".

A smart arzed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "what would happen if i came in tomorrow suffering from utter and complete sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering...

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said "well i would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."

[balli hi]

Two dyslexic bank robbers run into a bank shouting: "air in the hands mother stickers, this is a f*** up!"

[Raistlin]

Unexpected item in the baggage area.

That would be a real life cashier then?

[Raistlin]

Its been reported that Lego are set to launch a range of plastic sex toys, the name of the range is going to be called Lego-Ver.

[Raistlin]

It's a good thing that innuendo isn't a crime.

I'd definitely be going down.

[Raistlin]

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?