Won't be losing any sleep. It was September 2013 when I married into the Eastern iQ bride scheme! I'd read all the courting pamphlets and Internet dating sites where they told me she was frugal, reliable and well supported by parental guarantees. After all, most of her siblings and friends were happy in their marriages. I have to say though, I was enticed and smitten by her extreme good looks and cracking little figure. Of course, I should never have judged this little book by its cover. Turns out she was a right cheating gas guzzling beeatch. Stole my money at the pump when I wasn't looking even though I fed her fuel, pumped her tyres, wiped her brow once a week with warm soapy water and a chamois, and checked her oil regularly as per her own pre-marital requirement. I even bought her a new set of shoes to change into right from the outset in case the ones she arrived in ever got scuffed. I was upset by this selfishness and so we had a bit of a separation and I got her air filter changed and took her back to her parents to get some TLC. They're traditional types who get a bit embarrassed by marital failure so refer to a daughter's return as a holiday or "annual service" rather than accept the reality of conflict. But I didn't blame them for that at the time. Then they returned her back to me and things seemed okay for a bit until Fred Fuelly and a few other good friends told me she was cheating on me again and I caught her red-handed on February 4th returning only 27mpg of the 50 she'd promised during our courtship. But even her parents disowned her this time and refused to take her back (they'd repainted her old bedroom and got in a lodger to help pay the bills) and refused to repay her dowry. The last straw came when she started demanding more money - even suggesting that a friend's parents wanted a new designer handbag (by that prima donna outfit CVT) for £5600, hinting, in other words, that she might have to have a new one too. "Stuff that" I thought.... So now I'm applying for a divorce and no amount of marriage guidance will convince me otherwise. But even her friends have recently started to disown her and I'm worried that come the start of all the acrimony her own wealth will quickly start to diminish and I'm left with a parasite sponging off my estate. Might have to take her parents to court. But I'll certainly be writing to her Daddy's wedding organiser who now resides in Portsmouth. So actually then, I might be losing loads of sleep! <gulps into his coffee> Thanks Fred Fuelly, you were a good friend to me when I needed you.