The Night Before Christmas

[Raistlin]

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the

annual yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,

kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this

potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus

musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of

the wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory

pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric

philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title

of St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their

respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious

visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving

rhythmically through their cerebra. My conjugal partner and I, attired

in our nocturnal cranial coverings, were about to take slumbrous

advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior

portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance

that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for

the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing

the fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without,

reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline

aqueous precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian

itself -- thus permitting my incredulous optical sensor to peruse a

miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by an octet of

diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a miniscule,

aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent

to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his

undulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more

vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated

loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and

addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen ...

"Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. -- guiding them to the uppermost

exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could

readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal

extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was

performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved

-- with utmost celerity and via a downward leap -- entry by way of the

smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebon

residue from the oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated

on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed

largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in

a commodious cloth receptacle.

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his

submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging

amiability. The capillaries of his molar regions and nasal aptenance

were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the

former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the

latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and

supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their

ambient hirsuite facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and

columnar crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smokingpiece whose gray

fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a

decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was

high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region

undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical

container.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the

aforementioned hosiery with articles of merchandise extracted from his

aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon

completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a

single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ,

inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith

affected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage.

He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a

musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the

antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement

hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common

weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately

prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic

yuletides to the planetary constituence, and to that self-same

assemblage my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and

gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."

[Devil-ish]

Phew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kev Mc]

Like ubik I'm reading that, can someone sum it up in a sentence please?

[burrito supreme]

:D Could be used as a test for college students. :P

[Raistlin]

:D Could be used as a test for college students. :P

Not for any I've met :D