Amusing Reading

[mad welshman]

recieve this from a mate in usa, hope u find it amusing

> Have you ever spoken and wished that you could

> immediately take the words back...or that you could

> crawl into a hole?

>

> Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....

>

> I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three

> kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge

> for a shampoo and a !Removed!?" I turned around and

> walked back out and never went back. My husband

> didn't say a word... he knew better.

>

> I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of

> golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had

> been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was

> approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who

> works at the store. He asked if he could help me.

> Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I

> like playing with men's balls."

>

> My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store

> that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were

> looking at the display case, the boy behind the

> counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No,

> I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to

> laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned

> beet-red and walked away To this day, my sister has

> never let me forget.

>

> While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler

> decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.

> I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving

> looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I

> told her that if she did not start behaving "right

> now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked

> me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,

> "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma

> that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

> The silence was deafening after this enlightening

> exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were

> doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked

> out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last

> thing I heard when the door closed behind me were

> screams of laughter.

>

> Have you ever asked your child a question too many

> times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems

> with potty training and I was on him constantly. One

> day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in

> between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining

> room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something

> funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old

> daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that

> Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked

> him if he needed to go. He said, "No." I kept

> thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident,

> and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,

> "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

> "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an

> accident, because the smell was getting worse.

> Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have

> an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his

> pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled.

> "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly

> choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly

> pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made

> me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh

> they'd ever had!

>

> This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2

> days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who

> will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

> What happens when you predict snow but don't get

> any....a true story... We had a female news anchor

> who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and

> didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,

> where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not

> only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew

> did too they were laughing so hard!

>

>

> Now, didn't that feel good? Please pass this on to

> someone you know who needs a laugh!

[Ryan1985]

class!

[Firthy]

PMSLOTF

Absolute quality

[Calisto]

They were fantsatic

the tears are streaming.

[Gareth B]

Stop, my stomach hurts.