Eu's Official Language Has Been Chosen...

[DeusMR2]

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will become the official language of the EU rather than German, which was also considered as a possibility.

As part of the negotiations the New Labour Government has conceded that some English spelling has room for improvement and they have accepted a 5 year plan to phase in the new ''Euro-English'' as it will be known.

In year 1 ''S'' will replace the soft ''C''. Sertainly, this will make the Sivil Sevants jump for joy. The hard ''C'' will also be dropped in favour of the ''K''. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome''PH'' will be replaced with the ''F''. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Government will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent ''E'' in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the 4th year peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ''TH'' with ''Z'' and ''W'' with ''V''

Durind the fifz yar, ze unesesary''O'' kan be dropd from vords kontaining ''OU'' and similar changs vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru!!!

[Kev Mc]

Erm, what?

[Blaze]

Bin on before but still makes me chuckle!

[Kerby]

scarey how u can still read it as normal and understand it

[scionic]

Just use Americanized English.

We took the liberty of dropping the useless extra "U" in colour for you and we spell programme as "program" instead. Saved two extraneous letters there as well.

You'll find it's more efficient and sensible.

We also tend to spell things closer to how they are pronounced.

SpecialiZed instead of specialiSed for one example.

We are taking over the planet anyway, you may as well adopt our form of spelling now.

(In before someone pontificates some nonsense about the noble English language and how we must all spell like Mother England etc. etc. etc.)

[daktari]

Just use Americanized English.

We took the liberty of dropping the useless extra "U" in colour for you and we spell programme as "program" instead. Saved two extraneous letters there as well.

You'll find it's more efficient and sensible.

We also tend to spell things closer to how they are pronounced.

SpecialiZed instead of specialiSed for one example.

We are taking over the planet anyway, you may as well adopt our form of spelling now.  

(In before someone pontificates some nonsense about the noble English language and how we must all spell like Mother England etc. etc. etc.)

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Yeah. :( Were expecting an invasion directly you finish in Iraq, Hopefully there`ll be a little bit of oil left in the North Sea.

[gordypix]

The A-Z or Z-A of how to spell correctly.....................

According to everyone in the world.................................

I say potato and you say CHIPS..................

[PaulT]

We took the liberty of dropping the useless extra "U" in colour for you and we spell programme as "program" instead. Saved two extraneous letters there as well.

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But then you go and waste letters by calling a tap a faucet. It's a tap, buddy. :D

And you've wrecked one of the best jokes, up there with "My dog has no nose", "What's the cure for water on the brain?"

I've no sympathy :D :D

Paul.