Little Tony

[CAMSHAFT]

LITTLE TONY FROM BROOKLYN ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you

shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU."

"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately

licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling

down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the

ice cream. Which one is married ?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one

that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the

wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."

LITTLE TONY ON MATH

Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father ?

"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.

"But that's right !" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"

"What's the f ** king difference ?" asks the father.

"That's what I said !"

LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH

Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to

learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a

multi-syllable word ?"

TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."

Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a !Removed!."

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go

to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a P_iss !!"

The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this

situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the

word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you

had bigger !Removed!, you'd be a TEN !"

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of

hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence

twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my

mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael !" Then the teacher reluctantly called on

little TONY.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was

pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just f ** king beautiful !'"

LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER

Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after

another.

After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know

eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your

teeth, and make you fat."

Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time ?"

Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own f ** king business."

[Kev Mc]

Brilliant, heard some of them before but they're all good

[Jones~32]

Quality

Nice one

[caz]

quality

[knightrider]

great never heard any of them before, certainly put a smile on my face!

[Blue84]

lol seen some before too but still good for a laugh!

[Chuck04]

haha thats just class dude, nice one, never heard them before

[martin_longbow]

Yep I liked those

[jaxx]

classics!

another grammer one...

Teacher says to young Jim 'Jim can you give me a sentance with the word contageous used in it'

Jim says 'You shouldnt stay around people who have contageous illness' such as flu'

Teacher 'superb! Bob can you give an example'

Bob says 'we have to keep chickens separate from each other as some have a contageous diseas'

Teacher 'excellent, and can you give me an example Tony?'

Tony 'Well our neighbours painting his entire fence with a 2 inch brush and my dad says its gonna take that c*nt ages'